dear diary,
i think ive decided to start a little project ;)... its gonna be secret for now.. and maybe forever... but its something i think will be hilarious and i just wanna see if it will come to be anything like it predecessors....
on another note... jaim had a really hard time with her bday the other day. i know shes starting to have a hard time with things again.. i wish she would be more religious with her pills... its really frustrating. shes good at spending money for no reason. like weight watchers.. she wont fully commit to it.. so she has spent like 200 bucks or more now just to lose 3 pounds.. i cant take a shit and do the same thing... like wtf? i really dont know what to do anymore. i think maybe she needs to hear it from someone else. i really dont like doing the tough love kind of stuff... you know like the "im not paying for you anymore until you've learned your lesson." that kind of stuff... i think she thinks thats just how i am.. but really its just because SHES LIKE THIS WITH EVERYTHING.. and now ive tried everything else to let her know she needs to change: support, reasoning, compromise... nothing works. and now the tough love stuff is all i resort to with everything.. its all i have left. i just want someone to tell me what to do and say..
also ive been really shitty at supporting her emotionally these days... im having such a hard time on my own that she hasnt been getting the support from me that she used to get... im scared that this is putting a strain on our relationship because she doesnt know how to deal with letting me be while im trying to organize myself... i hate how selfish this sounds but i really dont wanna deal with her bullshit while im trying to deal with my bullshit... and it really is just bullshit.. like 90% of the stuff we fight over or get emotional over is bullshit, and no matter what i say to her she will not trust me enough to believe that she can just learn to let it go...
anywho... my dad was here this weekend and it was great.. it was really nice to have him around... and we're going camping next weekend so i know we will have a tit load of fun!... cant wait for that this weekend.
i'll keep you posted ;)
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