journal 18 - wedding bells

dear diary,
yay!... thats all i have to say today ;)

i'll keep you posted ;)

journal 17 - cunts

dear diary,
cunts.. all of em... im so sick of shit going wrong when it just starts going right.  my car got broke into.  why? prob because jaim and i are retards and sometimes forget to lock the door.  i think friggin silver city needs to install some outdoor security cameras.  seriously.  this was the second time there that this has happened.  unnecessary.
so of course i was in a horrible mood.  and of course jaim tried to help me out.  and it somewhat worked.  i think it may have worked completely had my mother not got super pissed off at me (she does this rather than helping me out or getting me better).
i called into work today cause i was super stressed out and i knew i had tons of stuff to do today (get all new gov't cards and shit.
yeah a little bit of stress.. and im still pretty pissed off cause now im out my second ipod and a new gps... like FUCK! but whatevs... im still gonna live. i think ill just try and shrug it off for now and try and move on... maybe focus on the wedding now. hmm... oh well... at least those damn depressed thoughts still arent creeping in.. yet...

i'll keep you posted ;)

journal 16 - meet the fockers

dear diary,
so yesterday was the biggest failure ever. everyone conched out on the party and we ended up leaving rather than sleeping over like we were supposed to. i hate when plans get changed. this put me in a really bad mood and i feel really bad cause jaim was trying to cheer me up as usual but i turned it down everytime. i think i really cheer myself up and thats the way it is. i think i tell her that everytime too... i know it sounds dumb but i really do just need to cool off and think about things on my own when im upset. i dont know how to let her cheer me up. i cant do it. i think if i need something from her i can just ask. im good at knowing what i want. so when i want something i ask for it. jaim is kinda the opposite. she expects it to happen automatically. like when shes in a bad mood, she "needs" me... what that means i sometimes dont know. sometimes it means she wants me to let her get what she wants (childish and reminds me of a spoiled brat) and sometimes she just wants to cuddle.  either way i know how i am... and i dont know if changing it is something i want/need to do. i think being able to deal with shit on my own is fine and i will ask. and if i need jaim to cheer me up, i will let her know that i need her to, even if i dont know what it is will cheer me up

i'll keep you posted ;)

journal 16 - fart frances

dear diary,
woot woot! just chillin this weekend in the fort! had a blast already last night... and now im about to go to my grandpa and grandmas for the night.  this will also be a blast because there will be some family there that i havent seen in a while.

things with me and jaim are still going fairly well even after a stupid moment on my part last night... and i think we are finally starting to come back together.  for a while i felt a lot of resentment from jaim, which kinda hurts right?  but i think things are better again.  i love it when she laughs with/at me... its actually my favourite thing in the world.  i would always be in a good mood if she could laugh all the time.

anywho, ill be on my marry way i suppose.. and im going to be busy this weekend so i may not come back til tm night or even monday. til then...

i'll keep you posted ;)

journal 15 - cheech and chong

dear diary,
yay!!!!! finally after two weeks... but yeah i was beginning to not even care anymore... but now im there again.  i think that im gonna be fine once i get this week out of my system.  work pushes me. hard.  it makes me wanna leave work early to walk around boulevard lol.... but yeah it was fun haha.. i want me and jaim to do that all summer.. maybe even get up early to go do that... bed early! lol
anywho.... another day of work tomorrow and ill be back on.

i'll keep you posted ;)

journal 15 - browner

dear diary,
omg camping was mint.. i had sooooooooooooo much fun and sun...
we went canoeing lol. that was our big outting. we also had a few walks including a really long one to the store on the highway. i was great though.. i had a lot of fun considering i didnt get drunk lol. weird eh?

anyway im doing great.. things with jaim are going great... i think we needed this little vacation.  we are communicating a lot better. i havent felt more like her hubby than lately. and it makes me wanna dance. seriously. it gives me so much energy, and makes me realize that this is forever. im so excited! :D

i'll keep you posted ;)

Gone country

Sorry blogees... Gone camping for the weekend. See ya Sunday!
Sent via BlackBerry® device provided by TBayTel.

journal 14 - the situation

dear diary,
sorry i havent been keeping you posted again... it seems that when im in a good mood that im not really into talking lol...

so the last few days ive been pretty good... other than the occasional outburst of rage or whatever, for the most part i havent felt really depressed.

im really starting to feel the pressure financially... its making things a little crazy. i dont really wanna talk about that though cause it will just piss me off

im soooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited for this weekend though.. im going camping with jaim's fam: beer sun and so much fun... im gonna have spits, bbq, and just chill.

i'll keep you posted ;)

journal 13 - xoxo

dear diary,
i think ive decided to start a little project ;)... its gonna be secret for now.. and maybe forever... but its something i think will be hilarious and i just wanna see if it will come to be anything like it predecessors....

on another note... jaim had a really hard time with her bday the other day.  i know shes starting to have a hard time with things again.. i wish she would be more religious with her pills... its really frustrating. shes good at spending money for no reason. like weight watchers.. she wont fully commit to it.. so she has spent like 200 bucks or more now just to lose 3 pounds.. i cant take a shit and do the same thing... like wtf? i really dont know what to do anymore. i think maybe she needs to hear it from someone else. i really dont like doing the tough love kind of stuff... you know like the "im not paying for you anymore until you've learned your lesson." that kind of stuff... i think she thinks thats just how i am.. but  really its just because SHES LIKE THIS WITH EVERYTHING.. and now ive tried everything else to let her know she needs to change: support, reasoning, compromise... nothing works. and now the tough love stuff is all i resort to with everything.. its all i have left. i just want someone to tell me what to do and say..

also ive been really shitty at supporting her emotionally these days... im having such a hard time on my own that she hasnt been getting the support from me that she used to get... im scared that this is putting a strain on our relationship because she doesnt know how to deal with letting me be while im trying to organize myself... i hate how selfish this sounds but i really dont wanna deal with her bullshit while im trying to deal with my bullshit... and it really is just bullshit.. like 90% of the stuff we fight over or get emotional over is bullshit, and no matter what i say to her she will not trust me enough to believe that she can just learn to let it go...

anywho... my dad was here this weekend and it was great.. it was really nice to have him around... and we're going camping next weekend so i know we will have a tit load of fun!... cant wait for that this weekend.

i'll keep you posted ;)

journal 12 - keep on keepin on

dear diary,
jaim and i had our first convo day yesterday.  after a day of house cleaning, and a short but painful bike ride (lol), we sat out on the balcony for about 15 mins and had a pretty good conversation.  i have a really hard time when jaim and i have these conversations though because i feel like all i do is talk and she just agrees with everything i say.  this was different.  it was nice to have jaim actually communicate with me because i then feel like we are helping each other understand things, not just me talking at her... i hope we can continue these conversation days every sunday.
jaim really wanted to go out for something to eat for our date night... i wish i could have supported her and took her somewhere... i think next week we should go somewhere for a coffee or something.. then it still feels like a date and we're still "going out" but without the expense.
lets try and keep that plan jeremy!

i'll keep you posted ;)