phase 1 of master plan

dear journal,

i really dont think its been as long as it actually has been since i blogged lol... i dunno if anyone actually follows me any more ha ha...

anywho, i'm married to my beautiful wife jaime now! school starts soon and im excited to get on with my life.  the way things have been going, im happy to say have been fantastic.  i cant believe how awesome things seem to be falling into place ;)

i'll keep you posted ;)

dexter

dear journal,
im amazed at how much i like the effed up dexter morgan. hes so weird yet he has an intense-ness about him. my heartrate literally increases as soon as i start watching the show.

since im watching it online so far, i can skip the intro... it makes me hate eggs and ham. oh and shaving. he totally gives me the heebie geebies in the intro. surprisingly, he has a calming affect on me at the same time. no laughing, yet no sadness or anger. its fucked up sista. fucked up.

anyway...

i'll keep ya posted ;)

& hearts

dear journal,


its been a long time glad to see your face
i knew we'd meet again, another time, another place
can't believe its been so many years
you better grab a chair and a couple of beers.

i miss you <3

- 2 1/2 years now :D

i'll keep you posted ;)

on the road again

dear diary,
so here it is. jaim and i are having a hard time again. we had a pretty heated conversation on the road back to teeb. ive laid it all out on the line again, and hopefully im right and that what is gonna change will help our relationship.
ive already told jaime that i dont expect her to have this changed overnight, but i do hope she puts forth a good effort. if this is the case then i promise babe 100% i'll do the same. i wanna be the perfect man for you so bad, but part of my brain isnt letting me do it. its the part of my brain that says "whats the point." i hate this feeling and i wanna be the man i used to be for you. lets do this. let today suck our dick for once. im fighting for you babe. for us.

i'll keep you posted ;)

hmm...

dear journal,

sorry its been a while... been lazy lately.

not gonna lie ive been feeling like shit lately. physically i mean. i cant figure out why my body is hating me more and more... first it started with bodily aches and pains. i attributed this to my arthirits and the weather. now i have a strained muscle in my back. this is obviously due to my lack of excercise and overall horrible eating behaviour. i just need to get back on track.

lets think about it. i need to stop eating junk, and start exercising again. id love to start walking again. i wish jaime would come with me though. lets face it it would be beneficial to the both of us. the problem isnt that im not commited, its that i lack the external support system that is jaime. she doesnt understand that this is something i need from her greatly. everynight! we need to go for a 30 min. walk. no exceptions. i think this is the best starting point for us. we have the wii fit too which now never gets used. wii fit actually works too... and u dont even have to go anywhere!!! priorities need to be straightened out thats all... work first, play later. so instead of it being an 8.5 hour day at work, im going to consider is a 9 hour day at work, and as soon as i get home, unless jaime is not with me, i will be going for a walk. if she isnt with me i will wait for her to get home, and we will go for a walk BEFORE supper... we can wait the extra half hour. its not that bad if you really think about it.

i know you are getting this post on your phone jaim so please take it into consideration and provide me your feedback on here please (i need the comments lol)

anywho... thanks for listening blogees :P

i'll keep ya posted ;)

gone fishing :)

dear diary,

just chillin here in fort for the weekend. its nice to see my friends and family.
i think im beginning to be out of the party scene.. or at least a different kind of partying. last night was broing as tits to me. i think it was the fact that there was like no one there. and by no one i mean there wasnt enough of MY kind of people there... it was mostly the poeple that i hated/hated me in high school. and for some reason whenever i see them out at the same events i am, i get nervous and am instantly in a bad mood. i dunno how they feel about me either.. cause i think if they were over the highschool bullshit they would actually say hi to me. but they dont. and all my real friends hang out with them too, so my real friends end up ditching me sometimes. ok all the time. because they are the cool crowd and im not. but oh well... who really gives a fuck any more. i just cant wait for my life to begin.

ill keep ya posted ;)

i am not a whore

dear diary,
so ive decided to become a youtube whore.  thats right i said it.  im going to record everything on video and post it all the time.  look out! ready or not here i come!!!!  lol but seriously its kinda cool...

anywho. things have been alright i guess... not like amazing but not really effed up either.  jaim and i are slowly getting back to normal.. i still feel like im getting the shit end of the stick when it comes to certain things. and i realize jaim gets the shit end of others.. i wish she could just think about how we're both getting the shit of the stick, agree to disagree, and go on with our merry little lives.  i really want to stop fighting with her..  its getting to the point where i dont even want to be around her when shes bitching at me.  i think it would help both of us as indivisuals as well as a couple if she could just hold her tongue once in a while.. i dont just start shit with her all the time, but she loves it seems.  its her choice whether or not to start or keep going a fight.  i always want the fight to end.. but she just keeps it going. i think from now on im just going to ignore her until she learns to control herself and choose her battles.

all that being said, things arent as bad as they have been in the passed.. and i look at that as the glass half full :)

i'll keep you posted ;)